An Ounce of Prevention Can Help Avoid a Pound of Teen Screen Time Troubles.
Listen to parents of teens for a few minutes and you will often hear some variation of one worry: Pre-teens and teenagers exhibiting low motivation and an almost exclusive interest in screens as the free time activity. What began as an enjoyable pastime in childhood, often bringing a smile to both child and parent, gradually morphs into an all-consuming teen experience. It’s this out of balance sensation that often raises parental alarms as they notice the displacement of other pursuits, the hindering of skills or hobbies and the eroding of a sense of connection with their youth.
Parents now face significant challenges in encouraging their children's engagement in activities beyond screens. Compounding this issue is the overwhelming and often contradictory information available to parents regarding what they "should" desire for their children. Instead of offering guidance, this influx of information has become a source of confusion, hindering adults in their efforts to lead their families effectively. Parents frequently express feelings of being adrift, regretful, and hopeless when confronting this issue of balance and how to refind it. Conversations with parents—whether in person, blogs, socially, or in random settings—have consistently revealed a few key areas of concern that you can consider on your own parenting journey.
This progression is stealthy
Screen time started out with limits, but then those initial limits give way to a series of exceptions sought out by the child. In an effort to avoid being outside or seeking to stay inside on a screen they might say: "It's too cold," "too hot," "too many bugs," "too cloudy," or "I was outside yesterday." Parents report an endless barrage of loopholes seeking from the youth. Many express that they accommodated those loopholes and would do that differently if they could go back.
What was once a Friday night treat becomes a direct dash for the screen upon returning home, or even a reluctance to leave the house at all. As parents become increasingly concerned, they find themselves in arguments offering the teen ideas on other things to do. Normally, the teen then responds that they don’t want to do those things or they don’t know how to do it well, or the most frequent: It’s boring. Feeling unable to successfully encourage a different activity, the frustration grows between parent and teen yet the pattern stays the same.
It’s Everywhere:
Screen use is woven into activities of daily life so that it seems impossible to have limits. This is true. While parents and teachers are starting to get some back up through policies in many districts, it's still often a singular tool for homework completion or projects, not to mention work schedules, friends and family.
The parent may be seeking balance but the teen may feel everything is perfectly balanced and that doing it the parent way is what throws things out of balance. It becomes difficult to course correct so the phone or screen is a tool but not used as a comfortable container of consumption melting hours and days away.
It has influenced everything.
Sleep, school, sports, work, family interactions, friends, and mood all are impacted by if s/he is on a screen or wanting to be on the screen. Again, the theme of balance presents itself.
How did it go from enhancing activity to replacing activity?
Parents of young children can take steps to avoid these struggles and imbalances through prevention. It won't be easy, but there are actions you can take to help fortify the screen as a tool of growth rather than a tool of stagnation.
First: Define Your "Why"
Why is it crucial for your child to achieve balance in their activities, interests, and interactions?
Does a different "why" resonate more deeply with your family's values and dynamics? If so make that your focal point.
Second: Engage all involved parties in a discussion. If there are two parents in the home, assess your collective screen habits: are they healthy? Are both parents committed to adhering to the agreed-upon limits? If grandparents or babysitters care for the children at times, include them in this conversation as well.
Third: Explain the screen time schedule to your child, without over-explaining, especially if they are resistant. You can elaborate on the reasons later, but initially, stick to your main points.
Fourth: Remember the gravity of this issue. A repeated lament among parents of teens is their regret about introducing screens too early and failing to enforce limits. This often goes along with the fact that the child is having fun and they really want to do it, plus friends being on as well as other family members. The parent naturally wants to see the child happy, allows it and then more and more requests begin. Those minor increments gradually become the norm until being off-screen is the rarity.
I am optimistic about the next generation of parents. They will likely approach screen time and content with more discretion, having witnessed its impact firsthand. Increased parental support for protecting children's potential from over use of screens will foster greater strength and promise for the future. Screens are undeniably here to stay. Integrating them into a child's life is relatively easy. However, reducing screen presence or attempting to reset screen norms with teenagers, especially when concerns about their impact arise, is anything but easy.