Summer is Over?

When talking with a friend last week, her pre-teen daughter (aka Ellie) shared she is feeling upset, worried and nervous. That lead to asking what was on her mind, and the answer was clear: SCHOOL. Back to school ads, school supplies in stores and friends are all talking / posting about it non stop have school top of mind. To make matters worse, every adult she comes across (yours truly included) asks her if she is excited to start the new school year. The reality of it is, at the time of our conversation, there were 5 weeks until school began….5 weeks! That is more than most adults have in vacation for the year yet here it was anticipated as vacation OVER.

Ellie was in a full “what if” swirl. What if my friends aren’t in my classes? What if I get the really hard teacher? What if my grades aren’t good? There were multiple future what ifs which she had no control over that were completely impacting her current day experience. Plus, her current day experience of stress predicted 5 weeks of discomfort on the horizon to think about it. There are a few paths a caring adult could go down to try and help Ellie from experiencing 35 days of possible fret and discomfort. Her mom had shared with her to think of the positive and keep perspective. This seemed sometimes helpful to her but she asked me for reinforcement.

My advice? I referenced Eckhart Tolle’s work on presence and shared a simple phrase to help bring the body and mind in alignment when the mind starts to time travel. Body and mind in the same time zone. You aren’t 3 weeks ahead, you aren’t 2 weeks behind, you are here now. Ellie looked a little disappointed and so I asked her to tell me what she was doing now. She said… “I’m talking to you” (insert frustrated tone here). I replied: Yep, that’s it. You are talking to me. You can handle right now. Bring yourself back to the present moment rather than having the future what ifs rob you of any joy or fun or relaxation you can have now.

While Tolle’s The Power of Now is not something she is likely to pick up as a 12 year old, the concept of presence was helpful to her. Ultimately, we all are multiple places other than where we are at any given moment. For kids experiencing some anticipation anxiety or what if thoughts helping them reconnect to right now can be a helpful tool they can use at various times. Giving them a way to access it in addition to or instead of sharing to not worry about it can be a helpful step. 35 days of relaxation and fun is much different than 35 days of worry and fret. She may not find that all 35 days are peaceful but that afternoon was at a start.

Ellie’s worries are relatable and top of mind for many kids. Let’s help them cultivate calm and find a bit of peace one present moment at a time.

Wishing you well,

Jennifer